It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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