I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
