i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
