I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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