You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
