Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
