He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
