so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
