Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Im just a social blackout drinker.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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