Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
