Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
