her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
