Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
