To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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