I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
