You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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