'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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