Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
