just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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