yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Randomize
