We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
