I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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