Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
