Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
where are my eyebrows?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
