Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
