He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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