It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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