Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
