I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
