Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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