u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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