Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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