i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We left an ass print on the piano.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
