I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
