I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
