hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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