I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
