My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
