I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
