Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
