I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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