if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
