Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize