Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
