"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize