if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
