Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the liver wants what the liver wants
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
