there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
