i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
