everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
