im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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