so explain again why im purple
no
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
