Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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