if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
