Quick, to the slutcave!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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