can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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