Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
