You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize