he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fuck appropriateness.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I fill condoms, not promises.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
