Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
