so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
