i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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