the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
