I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
