my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
