We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
