i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
