Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i wish my penis had a tongue
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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