If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
