5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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