how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We need to rekindle our bromance
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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