allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
