Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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