I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
