I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
