This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
