yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
